Speaking of Movies

As I said in an earlier post, I have always been a fan of terrible movies. I have an extensive video collection, mostly of videotapes. I am beginning a collection of DVDs, and I will slowly replace the old tapes.

I also collect classic movies of the studio era (silent era to 1950s), and these total several hundred. However, I find the really terrible films as entertaining or even more entertaining than so-called "great" films.

Right now I am looking at one of the most enjoyable of all grade-Z sci-fi flicks of the 50s, Attack of the 50-Foot Woman (1958). It starred one-time Miss Washington D.C. Allison Hayes (1930-1977), who played millionaire heiress Nancy Fowler Archer, and married to philandering husband Harry, played by William Hudson (1921-1974). It seems while Nancy was in the nuthouse recovering from mental problems, Harry took up with comely Honey Parker, played by Yvette Vickers (born 1936, a one-time Playboy Playmate who also dated Cary Grant off and on for several years in the 1960s). But those who play must pay, and boy do Harry and Honey pay.

But I am getting ahead of myself. At the beginning of the film, Nancy is driving her Imperial down Highway 66 like a bat out of hell when she almost runs into a UFO with a 30-foot baldheaded giant in it. Screaming, she runs to town, trying to convince the sheriff and his deputy what she saw. When they go back out to find it, of course the UFO is gone. Meanwhile, Harry and Honey are necking in the town restaurant/club, and Harry tells Honey why he didn't divorce Nancy: "That community property routine works only for women. A man doesn't stand a chance." Honey tries to encourage Harry to drive Nancy nuts enough to go back to the nuthouse: "Once she's in the booby hatch, throw the key away. That'll put you in the driver's seat. You'd make a real wild driver, Harry, with 50 million bucks."

Cut back to Nancy returning home, and somehow Harry got there before she did. She tells him what she saw but he doesn't believe her. Neither does her butler Jess nor her doctor. Eventually she takes Harry out to the desert to find "that thing." When they do, Nancy runs to the satellite where Baldy reaches out and grabs her to steal the diamond. After shooting at the monster, Harry leaves his wife right there and drives back home. After a search Nancy is found on the "boathouse, loaded," as the deputy put it.

Of course, the movie has to live up to its title, and eventually Nancy, who was evidently exposed to radiation, balloons up to 50 feet. Just how she could fit in her bedroom, much less the mansion, isn't explained. We are treated only to a hilariously bogus paper mache giant hand and wrist to represent Nancy. While she is sedated much of the time, she finally comes to near the end of the movie, screaming about how she wants Harry back. Harry, of course, is back in town with Honey. Nancy tears the roof off of the minature house and tears off into town. The deputy finds the sheriff and Jess, who tracked down the transparent Baldy who in turn destroyed their car and then left in the UFO. All three head back to the Archer residence, when the doctor runs to them and memorably informs them, "It's Mrs. Archer. She's on a rampage. We've got to warn the town."

They head into town, where Nancy is tearing up the miniature buildings on the set. Sometimes she looks transparent, sometimes she looks less so. Harry and Honey are in the restaurant/club blissfully dancing when the deputy warns them, "Your wife is wrecking the town looking for you!" Too late. Nancy catches both them, tears off the roof, a beam falls on Honey, killing her, and she grabs Harry like King Kong grabbed Fay Wray. She pulls "Harry," in the form of a pretty obvious doll, up from the roof and carries him around town. The sheriff shoots her when she is near a power line, and he eventually succeeds in getting her electrocuted. Both Harry and Nancy fall to the ground dead.

The doctor and others survey the scene. In one of the most memorable lines in movie history, he opines, "She finally got Harry all to herself."

The film is more fun than a hundred Citizen Kanes. I've seen the film at least 50 times. I know there is a remake, but I have no desire to ever see it. It could never be as fun as this.