Sometimes I Just Want to Say Eff It All

because it seems like there is no end whatsoever to my financial hardship. I am one of millions, unfortunately.

It eats away at you. Technically I am "employed," but with trouble getting gas in the car, I think I am going to have a hard time working THIS year. And the next. And the next. Unless or until I can get regular work, there appears to be utterly NO light at the end of this tunnel.

Damn to hell those assholes who ruined me in Nevada. Damn them all. They aren't paying at all for their wrongdoing while I am sitting here with utterly no money to support myself. I have had to put the pawn payment on my mom's ring on hold for a week, but how in the hell I am going to come up with the money is going to be a mystery. I am trying to sell some items on eBay, but I will be a son of a bitch if I am going to give the stuff away like I was forced to do with my Kentucky Derby glasses. I paid perhaps 600 or 700 dollars for them, and those asshole dealers gave me a piddling 150 for the three of them. However, it was the only way I could pay my auto insurance. I can't be without a car and can't afford an SR22. I went through that shit in Nevada some twenty years ago and never want to go through that again.

If I can't get regular work in education this year, then I am going to try for OJT. I have GOT to work to get an adequate Social Security check thanks to not paying into it in Nevada public employment.

People who are working, and especially those who have a spouse, have utterly NO concept of how hard it is out here. Even the person depicted in the article has a spouse, and therefore she is not suffering as much as somebody like me who has no way to support myself after a lifetime of doing so, just forced to sleep on a goddamned couch living with my brother, and we are both driving ourselves crazy.

I don't know what in the hell to do at this point.