Newt the Coot cleaned the wax out of his ears when he sat down to an interview with Christofascist James Dobson, and, in a brazen attempt to court the religious right, admitted he cheated on his first and second wives before settling down to his much-younger third wife.

Wife number one, Jackie, was actually his high school teacher and a few years older than he when they got married ages ago. They had a couple of daughters and lived a normal life until Newt went to Congress and discovered he was missing out on all of the debauchery for which D.C. is noted. When Jackie was sick in the hospital suffering from uterine cancer, Newt displayed his devotion to her by presenting her with divorce papers, I believe. He dumped her for wife number two, Marianne, who was quite a bit younger than Newt, but after more than a decade putting up with him (and mostly living in Ohio pursuing her own career), she wasn't young enough. When she was gone, old Newt was carrying on with other women, and, as David Corn so memorably put it in another Salon article, even was screwing women in the back seat of his green Mustang in the House parking garage. The car was bumping up and down, and the windows were all fogged up. "When this car's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'" is how I remember it.

But no matter. He married his third wife, and he's promised he will be a great example for others to follow, just as Rudy Giuliani is such a great role model for family values. (AP)